When the hares took off, Beezer followed them with near-tragic consequences. Eventually Beezer was caught and drivers on Rte 29 could breathe a little easier-- until the pack took off, that is.
The wooded parts of this trail ran along horse paths (did you observe the large piles of horse apples?), walking paths, and then a lot of it just went straight through the shiggy-- when you weren't immersed in The Creek, which the pack was forced to cross innumerable times. (For the sake of clarity, let me define 'innumerable' for you-- any number greater than 10 if I'm wearing shoes; any number greater than twenty if I'm barefoot or wearing sandals-- that way I get to use my toes, you see. Since I wore my hashing shoes this day, and since they cover up my toes, we crossed The Creek more than ten times.
The Circle
Hares Slick Slit and Yes Dear provided a good feed of veggies, meatloaf, quiche, and beans; beer was abundant, and the coolers were full. So we made them drink for a shitty trail.
Anniversaries
7 Minute Blowjob (25), Crackman (15)
Virgins
Pam Slack, and Dan Zipper (he could have at least used his real name, don't you think? Next time he finds himself in deep, shoe-sucking mud, I guess we'll be able to say that 'MVH3 Got Its Zipper Stuck!')
Visitors
Helmet Head and Bowser
Returners
Bushmaster, Seldom Cumz, Tenderloin, and Fire & Ice
Departers
This was the last MVH3 run (at least for a while) for Songmeister Hazukashii and Seldom Cumz, who are moving to Japan. It was great having them among us for the short time they spent in this area, and we hope they will always think of MVH3 as 'home'. The Scribe commends them both for their obvious love of hashing, and for hareing above and beyond the call of duty. The recent Crabtree Falls weekend was hugely successful, primarily due to their efforts. The Scribe will take this opportunity to sternly chastise those lazy MVH3 wankers who show up week after week, bitch, moan, and complain, but never get off their ass to hare. Here are two hashers whom you should consider emulating!
Violations
Winning the Patriot's Cup 10K: Cunning Runt
Braille Hashing: RutRo
Sex on Trail: Hazukashii and Seldom Cumz
Sex Before Father Abraham: Tore Ass, Fire & Ice
Amid the hash hymn, the barking of dogs, calls for rides back to the start, and a divvying up of the coolers, MVH3 broke up for the day. Who knows what the next run will hold for MVH3-- only the hares know (as usual)!
My Work Here Is Done.
A Note From Harddrive and Poop Deck
We would like to take this opportunity to get a little serious. One year ago the new mismanagement took over to try their hand at running things for MVH3. First, we want to thank each and every member of mismanagement for their work over the year. We think we made it through without screwing things up too badly! Following in the footsteps of last yearıs JMs Roto and Blank Check was a difficult task, but we would like to think that as a crew we did pretty good. We were part of a number of really great events this past year, to include the 469th, The Red Dress Run, the Halloween Hash, the 500th, and the Christmas Hash to name a few. Everyone on mismanagement contributed greatly, but we would like to pass on some special thanks.
Steamer, you did a great job on the trash and stepped up to the plate to do as many of the trashes as possible when your sub-scribe vanished. Stained Sheets and Dr Jeckyl filled in when necessary, with Dr. Jeckyl doing another tour of duty in hell by serving one more year as unelected Subscribe. (What a trooper!).
Spread Sheets, two years as Hashcash in a thankless job has got to be an adventure. You handled the job brilliantly. Once again we finished in the black and werenıt audited by the IRS. Are you sure you donıt want to go another year?
Lick It Off, Baby and No Class as our Habs (second year for LIO,B) performed a tough job lugging all the crap around - especially the sweats. You two did a superb job getting some really cool stuff out to the hash making MVH3 the envy of all in formal hash attire. A Special thanks to Cunning Runt for providing some of the cool artwork - Great job!
Pitstop, your help in particular on the 469th made the event really successful. The 469th had more people than we expected and you were there for all the support necessary to make it happen.
Rutro, you did a fine job getting hares signed up, providing chalk (and chalk talks) and doing the PUDJAM0 thing. Thanks for your diligence and great attitude throughout it all.
Burnt Sox, thanks for getting up there and entertaining us for the year. You have a certain knack for laughter that is irreplaceable. And, you always knew how to get the assholes in the croud to quiet down (sort of) when necessary!
Finally, we would like to offer a big thanks to Roto, Blank Check and Stained Sheets for your sage advice throughout the year. It really helped us out more than you probably knew.
We would like to wish the incoming mismanagement the best of luck for the coming year. One of the things that has always made Mount Vernon special, is that there are always a few people willing to step up and make things happen. We know you will keep that tradition alive!
ON ON,
Hardrive and PoopDeck
Burnt Sox: The Swan Song
I had a vision, a vision of the Hash name in its full glory and honor. Blessed is the Hash Name. It allows the Hasher to flaunt law, ordinance and custom of society in relative anonymity. It also makes rejection much easier: "Get your tongue off me, Bridle Shower," is softer on the ego than, "Not on your life, Steve." All Hash names are honorable, as are most Hashers. There are no rules to Hash names, but as within the Hash, there is a sense of honor.
The most honored of all Hash name is the Gifted. The Gifted name arises from a Hash event involving the Gifted Hasher, and the name itself is funny, yea, one might even say witty. Witness Oar-A-Face, who on her first Hash was hit in the face with an oar trying to make a good impression on her. Note the near intelligence: Oar-A-Face sounds like "orifice." Witness John Handcock, named in honor of his failure to sign in at the Hash in a futile effort to avoid being named. Witness Amkneesia, who broke her knee during a Hash party but was so drunk she doesn't remember how. This, it is said, is the type of Hash name to which we all aspire. Unfortunately, it doesn't happen that often.
Next most honored is the Headliner. The Headliner name reports a Hash incident involving the subject Hasher, but the name lacks cleverness or originality. Witness Slick Slit, who during a Hash party demonstrated that she really does shave. Indeed, witness Burnt Sox, named when he burned his socks in an oven while trying to dry them after a Hash. Yes, the Headliner is noble because it does invoke the Hash, but its stimulus-response derivation separates it from the Gifted.
Next most honored is the Hale-Bopp name, which arises from a special, one- time Hash event that is never to be repeated. These opportunities, when they arise, must be seized upon. Witness Dahmer, named on the day the Hash retired its bulky, coffin-sized beer cooler. And witness Troll, named on a day the trail ended under a bridge. These names are especially honored because someone must be sober and awake enough to notice the special event.
Next most honored is the Speaking in Tongues name. The Speaking in Tongues name arises from an unfortunate statement made on the Hash by the Hasher, a statement unfortunate enough to merit naming. Witness Wide Open, whose Hash was considering naming him. He explained himself and his background, then ended by saying, "If you have any ideas for a Hash name, I'm wide open." Ten seconds later, he was Wide Open. Similarly, witness Crack Shot, in a discussion of the standard two-person chug, commented that she'd prefer the Rumson one-man method because she trusts her butt more than anyone else's. Yea, witness Lick It Off, Baby, who, in an unfortunate moment, yelled this phrase when beer was dripping from her vessel. The Speaking in Tongues name is honorable, particularly if it is clever, but in the search for such a name, many a hasher will spend months saying stupid things hoping to convert one to a name.
Observe: it is the rare Hash name that falls into only one category. Witness Crack Shot, who after learning of the Rumson one-man butt chug, commented that she'd prefer that method because she trusts her butt more than anyone else's. Now, the name arose from what she said on the Hash, but the Hash engaged its collective mind here and went one step further to something witty. This is honorable.
Next most honored is the Got a Life name, which arises from a non-Hash related hobby or pasttime of the Hasher. Witness Pitstop, a fan of auto racing who also has the tiniest bladder on the Hash. Witness Lady Bugger, who plays on an adult soccer team called the Ladybugs. Witness Patio Furniture, who is Irish and stays out all night. The Got a Life name, while it does not arise from the Hash, is nonetheless honored because it shows that someone has been paying enough attention to the Hasher to find out more.
Next most honored is the Plastic Surgery name, which refers to a distinguishing (and, if possible, disfiguring) physical characteristic of the Hasher. Witness Owwwww, who has a stud through his penis, Broken Trojan, reputedly the best-endowed man at Interam '97, and Sweet Cheeks, the plethora of whom all have sweet cheeks. Witness Heart On, who has a tattoo of a heart on her groin, and Hairy Buddha, who looks not unlike a hairy Buddha. The Plastic Surgery name is honored, but may have to be changed if the Hasher starts really running or has radical corrective surgery.
Next most honored is the Come at Will name, with the word "come" in it. While it should be the desire of every Hasher not to talk about sex more than having it, for most Hashers talk is about as good as it gets. And so, if someone remarks that she Seldom Cumz, or that he Comes when he (In A) Can, or that she Comes on a Whim, go with the moment.
Note that the reliance on the word "come" makes this name less honored than the true Speaking in Tongues, but the Come at Will is honorable all the same. Witness 7 Minute Blow Job, who unfortunately remarked among a group of Hashers talking about their racing (drink!) times that a 7-minute blow job would be more interesting than a 7-minute mile. Yes, she mentioned sex, but the name is more honored without the word "come." And so, a heavy reliance on "coming" tarnishes the name, though it is not bad thing in actual sex.
Next most honored is the Name Yo' Mama Gave Ya, which is based on, as the name suggests, the name your mother gave you. Witness Stained Sheetz, whose mother's last name is Sheets, or Kimo-I-Wanna-Lai-Ya, a Hasher of Hawaiian descent whose first name is Kimo. This is also the honor borne by Hashes that do not name, such as the Mother Hash and the D.C. Men's Hash.
Amid the revelations, a caution: the Happily Ever After name, given to one Hasher based on his or her association with another Hasher. Consider that if the association ends, both parties will certainly keep Hashing. And who wants to go to the Hash to be reminded of that asshole who isn't making child support payments or the bitch who stole most of my Police CD's? But I digress, because there can still be honor in the Happily Ever After Name. Witness Legal Tender, the daughter of Blank Check, who came to be named on her eighteenth birthday.
Next most honored is the Fruit of Our Labor (FOOL) name, a name derived from the occupation of the Hasher in real life. (That is, when he or she is not Hashing.) This, like any other name, is honored, but if a name must focus on that which we seek to escape, might I suggest that the naming is premature? Having said that, witness Pocket Scientist, who is a researcher for a space development agency and Rut Ro, who is a special education teacher. If the Hash must bestow a FOOL name, at least make it a clever one.
Next most honored is Barbra Streisand. If the Hash fails to determine a name, it should stop trying, drink more beer, and go home. If the effort persists, however, Barbra Streisand is the universally abhorred fall-back name. But it is name, nonetheless, and it too is to be honored.
Next most honored is the Dirty Ethnic Slur. This name may amuse those already in the Hash, but in my experience no one has returned to the Hash after receiving the Dirty Ethnic Slur. Witness Short Cunt, a woman who solved the Buffalo H3's trails but couldn't figure out the mentality. Witness 7-11, a Hasher of Pakistani descent, who never returned after naming. Consider the possibility of Spic 'n' Span, a woman of Ecuadorian descent who refrained from Hashing even though she was named Spanish Thighs in the end. Indeed, the mere spectre of the Dirty Ethnic Slur is powerful enough, and this name, though barely honored, should be used sparingly and only with evil purpose.
Having so cautioned, a Hasher's background can certainly be used for a Plastic Surgery name, but it must be done carefully. Witness White Lightning, a white guy who tried but failed to keep pace with Byte Lightning, a black guy.
In time, Hashers may be renamed, but only with good cause. The foremost reason is that if the Hasher has paraphernalia personalized with his or her name, it's a pain in the ass to have to change everything. When renaming, the Hash should seek to advance the name toward a more honored state. Thus, it was honorable to rename Hooked on Forensics (a FOOL name for a Hasher who performed forensic research) to French Toasted (a Gifted name earned when he got so drunk on a Hash pub crawl he started speaking French, to the exclusion of his native English). And it would be honorable to rename Cradle Robber to Episiotomy, in light of his experience at Interam '97. He ran into a tree on Trail and opened a huge gash in his head that was stitched shut by the only doctor available--a gynecologist. In this case, the renaming is most honored and to be encouraged. By the same token, names that are less honorable should not be substituted for the more honorable.
And so the honor of the Hash Name was revealed to me. And so it is bestowed upon the Hash. Give me a beer.
On-on, Burnt Sox
RA, Mt. Vernon H3
Steamer's Swansong
The MVH3 Scribe looks back on a fun-filled, shiggy year-- if youıre a former Scribe, you know (and will never forget) that one year equals 52 Trashes...
It hardly seems possible that a year has passed since that sunny weekend we spent in Frederick dodging snakes in the Monocacy River, then basking with our cold beer for the rest of the afternoon. Itıs not every day we get to ice an Asstronaut, so that is a day most of us will remember for some time to come. Not to mention the fine hangover we cultivated that night at the party...
I can recall wanting to write a "warm-up" Trash prior to our last AGM, just to get a feel for what sort of notes to take (or, more accurately, how you take notes at a hash to begin with), and to simply establish a rhythm that would carry me over into the Regular Season. It didn't take long for that feeling to pass! After writing up last year's AGM, I wondered if I could maintain such a pace for the entire year...all I can say is, Thank Goodness we have decent printing equipment at the office! Or as Dr S. Wamp Bitch was fond of saying, "School is where I went to print out the Hash Trash." Truer words have never been uttered.
My start was smooth enough, but would have definitely been rocky had I not been in possession of White Lightning's outstanding Trash template. I thank him for not suing my ass off for plagiarism! Of course, that would not be a nice thing to do to a fellow hasher, and my retribution would have been swift and devastating-- I would have printed that he still wets the bed. Whoops! Did I let that slip?!?
Seriously though, I received an abundance of help this year in making sure that MVH3 got its weekly Trash-- I just got to accept the credit. Anyone who has held the Scribeıs post will be able to tell you how much work it is just writing, printing, and copying the Trash (thatıs correct-- editing never comes into the process). In addition to those obvious tasks, though, is all of the behind the scenes stuff: the calls the Scribe makes at 0-dark-thirty because you couldn't remember who-got-named-what, or where the directions are for the next run, or who can carry the Trashes to the hash because it's run off, but youıre out of town, or what the hell happened-- itıs Friday night and your notes are a pulpy, ink-smeared mass of papier-mache and sweat mold at the bottom of a VERY nasty hash bag!
In particular, let me thank Lick It Off, Baby!, Poop Deck, Hard Drive, and (especially) No Class for helping me to deliver the Trash to the hash. As simple as it might seem to create a Trash, thereıs no greater frustration than having a completed Trash in hand and not being able to bring it to the hash yourself-- it happened to me at least once a month, and I hated not being able to deliver it myself.
The other main area I got help in, of course, was with writing the Trash when I couldn't attend. For being there when I needed it most, I extend my deepest thanks to: Stained Sheets, Burnt Sox, Roto Router, and Poop Deck for services rendered (Dr J, you fuckinı signed on for that shit, you get no thanks-- in fact, you owe me a beer for setting such a fine example). Also, a Special Thanks is due to RutRo, who graciously accepted the infernal chore of putting directions onto Pudjam. This is probably the first time anyone has thanked her for doing this (so well)!
A separate Bravo Zulu (that's Navyese for Well Done) goes out to Hard Drive, who spent a terrific amount of his ample "free time" to create and maintain the MVH3 home page. Early on, he devised an archive for the Trashes to reside, as well as saving pictures, providing information, and generally helping others (the ones smart enough to use computers) to communicate with and find MVH3. I hope he decides to continue to provide this valuable hash resource!
A final thanks to No Class, who helped me find artwork worthy of our Trash. Without it, the Trash would have been plain and unappealing, even though I am a reknowned artist in my own right-- donıt even get near me with Pictionary!
In conclusion, thanks to all of MVH3 for providing me with such wonderful hazy memories of hashing on Saturday mornings. May we enjoy many more in the cumming years. On On!
My Work Here Is Done.
Steamer