With another strong turnout today, you have to wonder how we're going to deal with the increased numbers when the weather finally turns springlike. This day did not quite fit that bill, even though we had another healthy turnout. A light sprinkle accompanied Hard Drive and Poop Deck's exhortation for everyone to vote. This was a wise decision, because if you wait until after the hash to run the election, you'll run late. Another reason this was a good idea was that the hares were nowhere to be seen, there was no sign of their presence, and the skies turned grayer and darker...
To keep the throng amused, we awarded Full Metal Balls that always welcome surprise, the hashit, for Locking His Fucking Keys In The Car, So He Couldn't Get To The Hash-- Except His Keys Were In His Hash Bag The Whole Time!!! In addition to the hashit, how about we rename him HOMER SIMPSON?!?
Hashers displayed a rogue's gallery of shiggy scars from the previous week. Slick was sporting scars as well, so at least nobody can fault one of the hares for not being sympathetic with the plight of PI sufferers (nobody reported on Corkscrewed). Dual Air Bags won the PI Poster Child contest, followed closely by Stained Sheets. While we're on this topic, I have heard through some source or other that there's another 'miracle product' being touted that supposedly prevents poison ivy. Which leads to the question: Why do we need another miracle product when we already have products that claim to prevent poison ivy? The reason is simple: they DON'T prevent poison ivy! If you haven't experienced hashing in this area during poison ivy season, you really need to take precautions against it. At the very least, learn to recognize and avoid it. Be cautious when trying poison ivy preventions, because if they don't work for YOU, you will be the one that suffers. And your dermatologist will get that much richer.
When the hares finally did show (10 minutes late), they trundled out of their vehicle and commenced to explain their trail markings. Having thoroughly endeared themselves to the entire hash contingent, they took off in a sultry puff of flour. This sort of reminded me of the scene in Young Frankenstein as Gene Wilder and Marty Feldman exhume the monster's body from the graveyard. Dr F complains loudly about the unpleasant conditions, and I-gor rejoins, "It could be worse; it could be raining." Whereupon the heavens open up with a total downpour, drenching them both. Today, the rain held off until we were actually finished with the Father A, but I had the feeling that the hares felt like Young Frankenstein.
The Father A started with an impromptu rendition by Inbred Jed &;Steamer, but they were halted by the JMs. This was MVH3's chronological 10th Anniversary, or some other such occasion, so Father A was led by everyone wearing a 10th Ononiversary t-shirt: Roto Router, Blank Check, Byte Lightning, Missing Link, among others. Following this, the pack took off like a thundering herd of snails onto the trail.
The pack was a confused lot for most of the day. The trail was an exceptionally well marked circuit that threaded through a couple of neighborhoods, but kept itself primarily to creeks, shiggy, and steep embankments.
For the record: growing accustomed to running with a canine is not a natural or automatic process (at least not for me). If you have been running in my wake and gotten suddenly smacked by a branch or obstructed by my erratic movements, it is only because I am trying to hang onto Marge's lead AND maintain my balance AND prevent myself from catching those same branches from smacking ME in the face. I guess the lesson here is not to run behind Steamer if he's got a leash in his hand-- even though he does have the most shapely derriere in the hash!
By the time most of the pack got to the end, they had had enough hashing for one day-- they were variously wet, tired, hungry, or a combination of all three. The end was under the overpass at the corner of Huntsman Drive and Sidenstrycker Road. A creek runs through it, with a nifty spillway that provides a miniature golf atmosphere. I continued to search for a little windmill, to no avail; so I had a beer instead.
The Circle
Hashers hitched rides back to the vehicles, got fed, or traded their soggy duds for dry ones. Poop Deck and Hard Drive busily tallied the election results, while Burnt Sox helped determine who was still out (lost) on trail.
Anniversaries
Quick Drawers (325), Banzai Ben (125), Dual Air Bags (115), Full Metal Balls (100), Steamer (100), John Hand Cock (15), Scoop (15)
Virgins
Mike Royster, brother to Burnt Sox. He liked it, he actually like it!
Visitors
"Ralph"
Returners
Banzai Ben, Full Metal Balls, Steamer, See Dick Run, Seven Minute Blowjob, Floor Show, Briar Buns, RAS, Pete Whitman, Terry Robinson, and Don Boyle
Namings
Chris Wilk (or was it Pete Whitman-- anyway, it was one of those two guys) was named 'Troll', for being named under a bridge.
Violations
The Hares
Not Jumping Off the Overpass- Stained Sheets
Dogfighting- Bullwinkle
Not Voting- Thorny Prick
Full Metal Balls retained the hashit.
Election Results
To put a finish on this moist hashing day, Poop Deck and Hard Drive introduced next year's Mismanagement:
Joint Masters: Byte Lightning, Steamer
Scribe/Subscribe: Scoop, Yes Dear
On Sec: Full Metal Balls
Hash Cash: French Toasted
Haberdashers: Pit Stop, Dual Air Bags
Religious Advisor: Wide Open
Hare Raiser: Wankers Aweigh
This is the crew that will take over on May 18th in Front Royal. If you haven't registered yet, the time is NOW!
My Work Here Is Done.