Hares: Late Comer, Agua Niño, Hazukashii, Seldom Cumz
I started whining at about 0400 this morning, because I heard No Class & Steamer discussing the hash last night-- they're FINALLY taking me along! Maybe I can trip a hasher or two, or take a crap right in the middle of the pack to get Steamer an environmental, or best of all, get in a dog fight (I've got my shots, after all).
No Class finally gets up at 0445 to let me out of my crate. I'm glad it's her, not Steamer, because he always rips an atrocious fart while he puts my collar on-- he thinks it's funny, too! Anyway, No Class takes me out to pee & poo, and then I get to help wake Steamer up! He's not very vivacious at 0500, but his armpits are nice and rank with B.O.-- and warm, too! He jumped about a foot off the bed when I stuck my cold nose into one pit, and then he tried to placate me. Oh well, he slept long enough, and I want to go to the hash! So what if it's five hours from now...
So that I don't get bored, I'll eat dirt out of the plants and grab hash clothing and make Steamer chase me down to get it back-- he could use the exercize!
Finally after a lot of delay and rummaging around for hash gear, they attach my leash and we get to the car. Steamer sure drives fast on the way to the hash, he probably wants to get there before I heave all over the back of his new vehicle-- he's catching on, I have to give him credit. He pulls into the Vienna Metro lot about 30 seconds too late; I barf all over the back of the truck, and he swipes out the puke onto the pavement. That's ok, I prefer a hot breakfast to a cold one!
We get to where all the hashers are, and there's a ton of friendly people to give me attention and other dogs, too. I really enjoy sniffing their butts and genitalia! Everyone starts making racket and waving their arms & legs, and then we start walking, and then running. I do my best to trip as many hashers as I can, but then I get tangled up in my own leash and go flipping onto my back. Many times. That Steamer sure is stupid, he should do everything he can to keep me from tangling myself, but all he can manage to do is huff and puff. He looks so tired, maybe I should make him stop by taking a crap in the middle of this neighborhood. Hmmm, no poop baggies, Steamer! Silly boy!
This trail stuff is pretty easy, I notice that even Steamer can figure out where to go. We get to run through a cool tunnel, and I almost get Steamer to fall into the cold water. I drink as much as I can stand, and the water cools me off pretty good. Then we run a bunch more, until we run around the high school where No Class went for four years. Maybe they will get her to lead some cheers at the On In...she was the Captain of the Cheerleaders! Later on, I realize they forgot to do this. Hashers are fucking stupid!
Eventually I get out of my running harness and take off like a streak, leaving Steamer to chase me, pitifully calling my name. Some hasher grabs me and gives me back to that turtle I call a master, and we keep running until we're back at Vienna Metro. Man, it's windy on the top deck, but the sun is out and Steamer brings me water and shares his yardbird with me. Maybe I'll let him take me hashing again next week!
The Circle
First we toasted hares Late Comer, Agua Niño, Hazukashii, and Seldom Cumz.
Anniversaries
...include Capt Titanic (125-1 for whining at the 500th), Achy Breaky Fart (50), and hare Hazukashii (15). As a gentle reminder to some of you lazy wankers, Hazukashii has hared more times than numerous MVH3'ers with OVER 50 runs. Get off your asses!
Virgins
Michael Roul, Jeff Tompkins, and Rick Tompkins
Visitors
Cave Feary
Returners
Quick Drawers, Watergate, Tri-Ways, Corkscrewed, Tore Ass, Burning Bush, Hazukashii, Seldom Cumz, Scoop, Thorny Prick, FTC, and 7-Minute Blowjob.
Namings
Tom Jones was the easy naming, which I think we deserved after so many brain wrenching efforts recently. Tom will hereafter be known as 'He's a Lady!'. As usual, the day-late-and-a-dollar-short crowd insisted on voicing their pathetic choice of 'I Do'. Not even close, guys. Let's move on: Bob Coonrad has been salivating for weeks in anticipation of his naming, so I told him a while back that we already picked one out for him-- just to get him off my back. Imagine his surprise while we sat around trying to think up a good one! 'Bobbitt' was the best we could come up with before sundown...
Violations
Shitty Directions and Getting Snared: The Hares
Chronic Whining: Capt Titanic (you'd think someone without any hares could shut the fuck up...)
Signing In With Nerd Name, Environmental: Fly The Friendly Thighs
Fashion Statements: Missing Link, For Sale Or Rent
Premature Hashing: Missing Link, Quick Drawers, Full Metal Balls, Tri-Way
Environmental: Mud Buns, Steamer
We sang Swing Low, and finished up the remnants of the fried chicken. Then we went home into wind.
My Work Here Is Done.