Was there any one among us who didn't secretly hope to see Roto, Hard Drive, S'not, and Burnt Sox dressed in their Red Dress finery? The only one of the crew not in attendance was Hard Drive, but none of last year's hares felt comfy enough with their feminine side to grace us with grass skirts, bras, or eye makeup.
Instead, hares Blank Check and Roto Router had poured fake blood all over themselves in an attempt to fake out the pack with the signs of nasty dense shiggy. Or, maybe they just had a leftover bottle of fake blood they wanted to use up. At first, I figured that Roto had simply done the foolish thing-- trying to shave his legs when he had Hare High. With October about six months away, Blank Check's excuse could be an early obsession with Halloween. Whatever their reasons, however they appeared, whatever their tawdry surroundings, the hares left on time in a puff of flour.
Seems the nice weather also brought out a slew of returners, and a fair number of visitors as well. Rambo drove up from cHarlottesville (I don't even want to know how early you have to arise to make it to MVH3 on time), and Spinal Tap and Hasher Humper, along with Pay Per View also made their presence known. With Spring in the air, we normally see our numbers start to climb back up, and this was in reflected by the above-average number of virgins in our midst.
A few early morning Motor Inn residents checked out the Father Abraham with furtive peeks behind curtains and between venetian blinds. Despite Toxic Cock's best efforts to shut her up, Beezer started barking before the Father A started, and never let up even after the pack left. So if you were close enough to hear Poop Deck, or you already knew what the announcement was, you could tell that Bavarian Bush got the hashit last week for not showing up-- not showing up after persuading 38 Long to do so in the pouring rain that accompanied the previous week's hash. After the Hashit was properly sworn in, Poop Deck distributed laminated cards that the hares said we could use on trail-- maybe, or maybe not. Turns out, these mementos can be used to get a free beer from the hares at any MVH6. So if you threw your card away because you didn't get to use it on trail, be sure to see Poop Deck. He had some extras.
Following a brief stroll under Route 1 we took off running behind some high rises that let out back behind Pentagon City Mall. Ok, thought I, they're going to run us through the ladies department of a big fancy store, and the cards they issued can be traded for valuable merchandise and prizes! Alas, it was not to be. Instead, we ran up through a parking garage (hey, who expects hill work in a fuckin' parking garage?!?), and out over Rte 27 toward the Pentagon (otherwise known as the Big Five-Sided Check).
The legend of the Pentagon is that you could get lost in the parking lot and never figure out where you were. Sound familiar? We ran past the heliport on the West side of the building, and I was disappointed that the hares hadn't rented one of the White House helicopters to ferry us to the next check-- after all, if the Chinese can do it, why not hashers? We looped past the Mall and River entrances, and down toward the Child Care Center. Here, my stomach lurched. With S'not in the pack, what if they were exposed to him inadvertantly? My God, the horror! Instead, skimpy puffs of flour led out into the vastness that is the Pentagon's North Parking lot, and past Roto's office. Roto's office was the building surrounded by high barbed wire, high-voltage fencing, and guards armed with automatic weapons. All of this security is needed because Roto's office handles extemely sensitive matters critical to national security: they alone determine whether the toilets flush for the Joint Chiefs of Staff. "General, do you wipe your ass with your right hand, or your left?" "Soldier, I don't use my hand, I use toilet paper!"
Next thing we knew, we were in the LBJ Pine Grove, and passing the marina. Suddenly we came upon the welcome sight of beer and water prepared for us at the marina cafe! A very thoughtful, sedate water stop that most people decided to blow through, unfortunately. We found ourselves negotiating over exit ramps, onto on-ramps, under highways, and finally on up to railroad tracks. Dual Air Bags spoke for everyone by yelling "I HATE GODDAMN RAILROAD TRACKS!" And before anyone could debate the point, here came Amtrak roaring past in a loud clamor of noise. Seems like we ran miles along those tracks, but it was probably only about a half mile. Then we encountered a BT, when we had seen no check-- a puzzlement! Dual Air Bags had had enough. She scaled the chain link security fence in search of trail. Employing razor-sharp hash logic, I backtracked to find the check, and then sought out likely alternate routes for trail-- voila, flour found without having to castrate myself on a chain link fence!
The On In was soon obtained back at the Crystal City Motor Inn, where you never pay full price. Bagels, ham, turkey, and the usual beverages prevailed. The hares yucked it up that the issued cards were not needed. So go ahead, attend the next MVH6 and cash yours in for FREE BEER, courtesy of the hares!!!
We started off the Circle, as is our wont, with the hares. They were characteristically defiant.
Anniversaries
Stained Sheets (305), Snow Fairy (165), No Class (85), Burnt Sox (85), Bob Coonrad (5)
Virgins
Simone Johnson, Heber Willis, Rosemary Jordan, Stoney 'One Shot' Taylor
Visitors
Next Week
Returners
For Sale Or Rent, Dr Jekyll, The Dribbler, Continental Drip, Snow Fairy, Cunning Runt, S'not, Hollow Point, Layover, Fly The Friendly Thighs, Kimo, Jon Cuch, Bump &;Gump, Condomenia, Pay Per View, Ich Liebe Dick, Eager Beaver, and Rambo
Violations
Environmental- Steamer, Beezer
New Job- Dr Jekyll (even though he doesn't have one yet)
New Car- Roto Router (even though he doesn't have one yet-- can you detect a pattern here?)
Pre-Running- Bump &;Gump, Ich Liebe Dick
Fashion Statement- Snow Fairy
Birthdays- Cunning Runt, Carol
Spitting in Tunnel- Burnt Sox
LSI- Eager Beaver, For Sale Or Rent
The hashit remained with Bavarian Bush, who had nothing to say on her own behalf. I say we give it to someone who hasn't toted it yet. Keep your eyes open for violations next week!
My Work Here Is Done.