The entire scene was quite animated as folks greeted each other and tried to figure out who was who. The M&M twins were handing out plain and peanut varieties. The theme for these two seemed to be 'Comes in Your Mouth, Not In Your Hand!' Beer was flowing, and the conversation was animated:
the Banshee in a kilt: "I came all the way down from New York to see if I could get a date here."
Baby Sweet Cheeks: "Well, there aren't any here, go back where you came from!" Small wonder that MVH3 is renowned for its warmth and hospitality!
Finally, Death and the Duracell Dad took off into the night, spewing flour as they went. The assembled pack resumed drinking beer and socializing loudly until the cry went up for Father Abraham, ably led by Poop Deck the Mad Cow (complete with cleaver). Up behind the school, the pack soon spread out, checking this way and that, totally confused and unable to figure out much of anything. Trail led thru some neighborhoods, and at one point went through a big wide patch of mud. The piglets rejoiced, but made damn sure they didn't fall in. Finally we crossed over the highway into a big industrial parking lot, looking for trail around trailers, scanning empty space, and finally picking back up near a drive-thru bank.
Around this time, a group of young assholes in a beat up vehicle threw some stuff at a couple of hashers, and the hashers returned fire. Hmmm, not that I learned too much in college, but it seems that conservation of momentum would probably apply here. Let's see, mass sub 1 is car containing assholes, conservative estimate would be 1,500 pounds, traveling at least 25 mph. Mass sub 2 is hasher, maybe 200 pounds, traveling about 10 mph. Even if the hasher is running away from the car, that's a recipe for a big mess, the kind you have to hose off the pavement. Anyway, the young dickheads came back around for a second volley, and surprise, surprise, they hit a curb and popped a tire! They drove off hastily, ruining their rim and putting a general damper on the rest of their evening. We might give them credit for being smart enough not to ask for our help with the flat. I can picture the scene later that night, as Johnny Asshole returns home:
Mrs Asshole: 'Johnny Asshole, you get in here right now! Is that a tire iron I see protruding from your rectum? Why are you dressed like a buxom woman, and WHY ARE YOU WEARING YOUR TEETH ON A NECKLACE AROUND YOUR NECK?!?'
Johnny Asshole: 'Mom, all I know is what they told me when they were done: "Never fuck with hashers!"'
Anyway, let's keep an eye toward safety whether we need to or not. Last thing we need is for anyone to get hurt on a run or involve the authorities in our splendid hash!
Trail continued, there was lots of woods, and you needed a good flashlight, not just the kind that lights up a skull's head or a pumpkin head (hold that thought until next year). After a moderately shiggy path led through woods we were back onto a neighborhood street, where one of Fairfax County's finest was shining his searchlight. Now, I gotta figure he knew the effect this would have on our night vision, but I wasn't as brazen as Wilburrr, who approached the cruiser and flashed his light back into the cop's face! They had a brief discussion about night vision, but the cop was just enjoying the view of our get-ups. I wish Johnny Asshole had waited another 10 minutes before blowing his tire!
Allegedly, the M&M twins and a short-haired Hooters girl were seen urinating into a drainage ditch on trail. What a coincidence that three OTHER people would be dressed up like three of our hashers on the same night!
Just before reaching the On In, we passed a middle school, where youngsters in costume were filing out with their parents following some sort of Halloween festival. The comments I heard made the whole evening worthwhile:
'Ohmygod, Jennie, that's a man dressed up like a woman! THAT IS TOTALLY DISGUSTING!!!'
Shortly we were On In, with the smell of hot pizza and cold beer filling our noses!
The Circle
The restaurant held off serving the pizza until we got through down-downs. Well, they almost succeeded, but at least they did try.
The hares, probably could've/should've done multiple down-downs for this trail. They did one.
First timers were called forward-- these were Full Moon first timers: Inbred Jed, Bob Coonrad, Burning Bush, Camel Jumper, Linda the Nun, Wet Nuts, I Have No Name, 3 Holer, Delinquent, Ashley, Cybersex, Karen, Brian, Deborah Jozwiak, and Straddle My Beav.
Anniversaries (MVH3 kind, that is) were Hard Drive (265), Spinal Tap (50), Pole Climber (5), and Leisure Suit Larry (5).
MVH3 visitors included 3 Holer, Mrs Stained Sheets, Cyclops, Prodigy, Arnold, Access Denied, and Fuzzy Butt.
Returners: Fire & Ice, Spinal Tap, Hasher Humper, Mary Messerli, Karen Reid, Young Patton, Beth Cleary, Papa Rutro, Crash, Leisure Suit Larry, Anna Jozwiak, and Headrest.
The Hoosegow
Late Sign In: Yes, Dear, Hasher Humper, Spinal Tap
Environmental: those wankers who impersonated Steamer, Roto Router, Hard Drive; (but we drank for them anyway)
Almost Hitting a Car and Making a Chocolate Mess: Roto Router, Hard Drive
Having a Bat Hair Day: Karen Reid
Cumming as Her Name: More Legs
Cinderella: Camel Jumper
Mismanagement finally thought it was done with their work, and they were eager to start in on the beer in earnest. It came to their attention that Mrs. Strangelove had just completed her sixth run, and therefore a naming committee was hastily organized. Evidently, when asked how she felt about getting named this time, or whether she wanted to wait, Mrs. S. yelled, "I Want It NOW!" Rumor has it that upon hearing this, Dr. Strangelove creamed himself-- but that's more than I wanted to know. Anyway, henceforth and forever more at the MVH3, Mrs. Strangelove will be known as: I Want It NOW!
Finally, we could relax and drink and dance, and drink, and dance...Blank Check spun the tunes and of course there was an obligatory YMCA, courtesy of Hard Drive. The Macarena was also a big hit, and overall I'd say the On In was a massive success.
Now if I could just get my hands on those little assholes that were throwing stuff at us...
My Work Here Is Done.