Stained Sheets, Blank Check, Cross Hairs, The Dribbler, Byte Lightning, Slick Slit, Bavarian Bush, Dr Jekyll, Dr Strangelove, Snow Fairy, Red Snapper, Eat It Raw, Wankers Aweigh, Captain Titanic, Cork Screwed, Mud Buns, Pit Stop, Spread Sheets, Dud Finder, Steamer, Full Metal Balls, Lick It Off, Baby!, Burnt Sox, Tore Ass, S'not, No Class, Hollow Point, Sweet Cheeks, Fire & Ice, Fat Lady, Achy Breaky Fart, Yes Dear, Wide Open, Saran Wrap, Sticky Buns, All Hands On Dick, Fly The Friendly Thighs, Tick Cock, See Dick Run, Overbooked, Public Access, Ich Liebe Dick, Running Bare, Yankers Away, Special Affair, Dan Terwilliger, Kimo Bacon, Paul Kelly, Harvey Browne, Lauren Browne, April Williams, Bill Eshelman, Derek Donovan.
Another hash, another opportunity to excel! The deviants assembled in the parking lot of Edison High oblivious to the stares we drew from passing vehicles. This is a good thing; the suburban throngs going back and forth from Hechinger's, Home Depot, baseball and soccer games is a splendid sight on a Saturday morning. In short, let's leave the highways to these overachievers. On On!
Yes, Dear's pooch was ready for the trail, demonstrating how to stop traffic. Technique: 8.5; Headwork: 0! The inspiring part of this near-death experience was that it messed with the sanctimonious overachievers. I was feeling sanctimonious toward Yes, Dear's dog as the Father Abraham commenced-- and several of us were damn near run down in the parking lot by some sourpuss and his equally sour wife. Why anyone would be driving in a high school parking lot on a Saturday morning is beyond me (driver's ed?). Anyway, let's keep an eye out for these dangerous non-hashers before someone gets hurt!
Tore Ass was trying to teach Wankers Aweigh how to play tic-tac-toe; and Wankers was looking sort of baffled. They were studying their chalk marks intently, and could have easily been turned into a double road pizza, all-the way! At least the cops could have used the leftover chalk to outline their bodies!
Professor Stained Sheets held the chalk talk for the virgins, I'm not sure why, except that maybe Pit Stop was on strike following her receipt of the Sacred Hashit. I believe the rule governing the hashit is: if you touch it, you own it. Let's keep the Hashit in the family! French Toasted was on vacation, so he couldn't accept the honor. At least we have the Hashit back where it belongs!
Stained Sheets's performance during the chalk talk was remarkable for its high degree of animation and thorough coverage of hash tactics. I could see eyes starting to glaze over in the audience as he held forth; obviously his law training has served him well!
Somehow, the huge fashion statement by Wide Open and Yankers Away escaped punishment at the On In. Matching Yongsan Kimchee hash t-shirts graced them both...
The long-anticipated, returning Burnt Sox led the Father A, injecting a bit of welcome gusto into the proceedings. One limb at a time, thank you very much! The thoroughly warmed-up pack took off, immediately interrupting traffic on Franconia Road. Several nuisance checks followed, throwing the pack into a tizzy. Blank Check was compared the pack to aquarium fish-- they always go for the bait! Later we found ourselves back on the East side of Franconia, headed down to a large pond and into some unpaved wooded trail. Soon we were back up into the neighborhoods, through a playground, behind some row houses into more woods. You could smell horses as we came out of the woods, and there was a pack arrow made out of dead branches from last week's big storm.
More neighborhoods ensued, and then the water stop on the grounds of an elementary school. The trail led us past a big fire station, and then back over Franconia Road, through another neighborhood, and we then found a marking left by S'not: 'No Trail in Manchester Lakes'. Soon we came upon a hare's arrow marked by Fire & Ice (?!?), and another by S'not (he must have been exhausted by his Manchester Lakes experience). Past some new construction, the trail turned through some more neighborhoods, and then into a Virginia Power right of way. This is where things started getting interesting!
The trail wound down along and under the Beltway, and then up near a transformer station. Then we were into a rutted unpaved service road for about a half mile. Down a long hill to a check near a creek. As if we needed a clue here, all of the pack's footprints went toward the water, and to true trail. The creek led to a tunnel offering three openings; the one on the left looked too small for me to fit into. The one on the right was full of (yucky) water-- I figured that if I didn't swim last week, I sure as hell wasn't going to swim this week. So I took the middle opening, using a combination of bent-over duckwalking and hands & knees crawling. It sure felt good getting out of there; did you know that Red Snapper is claustrophobic? We almost had to tie a line around her to get through, but she managed all right. LIO,B! who took the water tunnel, ended up several minutes ahead of us, but much wetter. The next phase of this trail led straight through the creek. The banks were overgrown, but passable. The only problem was keeping the creek in sight, and we had to blaze through some thorny patches to regain the banks. Naturally, right after we got back to the banks, the trail left the creek back up toward where we had just been!
Beer Near was sighted about 100 yards into the woods, and the On In was about a quarter mile beyond that, up an embankment to a construction site.
The Circle
The hares drank for setting a shitty trail; what else is new? If you ran Sunday's Full Moon, then this trail was like following the yellow brick road! But that's another story, for another trash...
We should have advertised this run as The Anniversary Hash, because there were many anniversaries this day: Cross Hairs (195), The Dribbler (185), Bavarian Bush (175), Dr Jekyll (175), Snow Fairy (155), Cork Screwed (100), S'not (69), Sweet Cheeks (50), and Achy Breaky Fart (35).
Virgins were welcomed to the hash, and given a down-down, not necessarily in that order: Paul Kelly, Harvey Browne, Lauren Browne, April Williams, Bill Eshelman, Derek Donovan, and Kimo Bacon. Returners included Running Bare, Snow Fairy, The Dribbler, Eat It Raw, Capt Titanic, Saran Wrap, All Hands on Dick, and Tick Cock.
The Rap Sheet
Dr Jekyll: changed into new shoes
The Dribbler: racing
S'not: engag-ment to Turn Your Head & *Cough*
Burnt Sox: use of nerd names
Snow Fairy: being blown by the train
Fire & Ice, S'not: marking hares arrows
Pay Per View, Public Access, and Ich Liebe Dick: late sign-in
Whistleless: Overbooked, Sticky Buns, Fly The Friendly Thighs, Saran Wrap, Fire & Ice, Ich Liebe Dick, and Special Affair.
We sang the song we sing at the end of the hash, and a few people went in peace. Many more hung out to help finish the beer.
Thirty minutes after going in peace, Fat Lady (the hasher formerly known as Slip Not) came in. Not wasting a second, Burnt Sox assembled a quorum (a quorum is defined as more than one hasher), and the Scribe duly noted the following proceeding:
'Whereas the hasher formerly known as Slip Not consistently arrives to the hash late; gets lost beyond any semblance of knowing what hemisphere he's in; frequently incurs trail burns, poison ivy, and other shiggy scars where there are none to be found anywhere near the True Trail; and whereas the hasher formerly known as Slip Not reaches the circle DFL no matter where he hashes; and finally, whereas it ain't over until the Fat Lady sings, let him be known now and forever more throughout the entire world of hashing as Fat Lady!!!' The vote was unanimous, with one abstention (from Fat Lady).
Scribe's note: both Hollow Point and All Hands on Dick, next week's hares, were in attendance today; why didn't they pick up the coolers?!? Can you say 'Below Average Headwork'? Poop Deck will have a surprise for them before next Saturday's start, I'm sure...
My Work Here Is Done.